MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER

have you heard of multiple personality disorder??

Multiple personality disorder (MPD) is a psychiatric disorder characterized by having at least one "alter" personality that controls behavior. The "alters" are said to occur spontaneously and involuntarily, and function more or less independently of each other. The unity of consciousness, by which we identify our selves, is said to be absent in MPD. Another symptom of MPD is significant amnesia which can't be explained by ordinary forgetfulness.Memory and other aspects of consciousness are said to be divided up among "alters" in the MPD. The number of "alters" identified by various therapists ranges from several to tens to hundreds. There are even some reports of several thousand identities dwelling in one person. There does not seem to be any consensus among therapists as to what an "alter" is. Yet, there is general agreement that the cause of MPD is repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse.

last night, i met a Distanced friend, after... lets say..... (its been days) an year ... i think more than that... anyway he used to be a great person in the early beginning of our friendship.. we started seeing each other ... NO, we used to see each other when we wer in tution class... so lets say meeting each other in the year 2005. he is a polite, quite,weird,.. i dunno how to explain his behavior.. but for sure, he wasnt NORMAL.. that i knew.. but NOT in a SERIOUS way.. well, different human beings are different in their own way isnt it? anyway, we became best buddies.. maybe because he always stayed besides me on every difficulty i faced.( when i had no friends)

now that you've known how much i like him, but here's the weird part... we used to argue a lot on stupid, silly happenings... one minute we wud be having a serious conversation, the next minute we wud be arguing about it.. mostly... we argue because of hanging out with other friends and because of finding about ones personal inner strories and exploring them to others.. these are no silly mistakes we do.. these are the mistakes we deliberately do.. DUE to the anger at a particular time.. ofcourse i've never created such stupidity but he...
so, apparently, this has started becoming a burden... and i didnt wanted to carry his stupidity anymore.. i know he had a hard time in his early childhood.. maybe thats why.. i stayed as a friend whenhe kept on talking about me AT TIMES.. the main problem for me was, HE was a CLOSE buddy of one of my Ex boy friends.. and he had contact with him at all times when we were hanging out which i never figured out.. so what happened in betwen us was.. we would argue argue argue and when we get fed up, we stop contacting each other.. just like that!.. and wud stay for like two months without hearing from each other and then starts seeing each other coincidentally..though its weird...

its more like taking a break... when he gets kicked off from somewhere else, again he would remember me.. i am not becoming proud.. but honestly this is wat happenes.. every time when i break up the ship, i wud start getting long texts from him.. via e mail or sms.. or some how.. still i know, we never had the feeling of falling in love or something like that.. it was more like... i am his crying shoulder and he is mine.. so, me who cant deny when people apologizes, forgives easily with advisable mails... and then again we wud be friends.. and again the same thing wud happen..

this has been repeating since 2005.. for the last time he aid sorry in the year 2008, but i never replied him.. because i knew he wasnt profusley regreting what he did... so i never showed up..
but unfortunately, i again met him and we are now friends.. we had lot to share... our conversation lasted more than 3 hours..
at the begingin of our conver we spoke about the feelings we had for each other,, the respect and all.. but then,, later, i couldnt bare to listen to wat he spoke.. i almost cried when i found out a HUGE truth about his self..

THEN I STARTED REALIZING HOW I WAS TREATING HIM..
THEN I STARTED UNDERSTANDING HIS WERIDNESS...
then i started regreting... it was me who everytime wanted to let go...
it was me who wanted to forget the SHIP..
it was me who never really UNDERSTOOD him but KNEW every bit of him...
he continuously wanted me to stay... but i never gave a shit...

with in this one year,, he suffered a lot,, and the person he always admired to stay..... never gave a shit to find out if he was living... (which is apparently me)

i dunno why i am even writing this... but i really feel sorry for his desease.. can u imagine?? he has been suffering MPD since last year.. DUE to a BIG reason which i cant say here...
when was explainin me how things workedout, i was making jokes over them.. i even said at his face that you must be having MPD.. (was making a joke)... but when he told me wat really happneed.. i freaked out...

dhivehi version of "kasam ki kasam" (Ajnabee movie)

hitha, ey hitha ey hithaa eyy..lobi va noon ehen yaar neydhen..

hitha, ey hitha ey hithaa eyy..lobi va noon ehen yaar neydhen..
lobi vaa attaka hih beyqaraareyy...
hitha, ey hitha ey hithaa eyy..lobi va noon ehen yaar neydhen..

lobi va ey bunan hey
haalu mihithuge engey hey?
kekkuraanan mi hih dhen nimi dhanee ye balaashey..

heyonuvaaney nudhaashey, thiya gothah fasnudheyshey
rola rola hureemey lobi va ey nudhaashey

hitha, ey hitha ey hithaa eyy..lobi va noon ehen yaar neydhen..
lobi vaa attaka hih beyqaraareyy...
hitha, ey hitha ey hithaa eyy..lobi va noon ehen yaar neydhen..

lobi va enburi aadhey, heyo hithun maafu dheynan
hama yageen lobi dheynan kuriyekey effadhainney
veekameh venimidhiya e, aafeshumakun fashaashey...
maruvedhaaney yageeney lobi va ya nulaa dhen..

hitha, ey hitha ey hithaa eyy..lobi va noon ehen yaar neydhen..
lobi vaa attaka hih beyqaraareyy...
hitha, ey hitha ey hithaa eyy..lobi va noon ehen yaar neydhen..

ey hitha, aan hithaa, kiya bala, lobiva, dhen nudhey.. an amey, hinmagey hifa nudhey nudhey..hitha, ey hitha ey hithaa eyy..lobi va noon ehen yaar neydhen..
lobi vaa attaka hih beyqaraareyy...

lol, this is so stupid of me.. but i got bored and all of a sudden this thingi came in to my mind,, so wrote..
PS: this is to NO one,, i prefer sad songs..like this.. so just came out..

i missed ya

its 15th july 2009...
right here,,, just now...
man!, i love you so much...

to the most precious friend i've ever had...

dearest distanced closest, bestest, coolest, cutest FRIEND..

Hi there, how have you been doing? hope ok, and yeah i'm doing great and felt never good before.. well, atleast now i know that... :) so hey, Its been long time we havent spoken like this... and i know it sounds weird i'm writing you this when i see you now.. but what to do, we've become so distanced right?

anyway, dear, have you been wanting to be so strange with me after being such a nicest friend? were you expecting to be so distanced? sigh! :( i have tons of complains... i know, i used to be the one who kept advising you on being strong and being ownself... but now, i think i cant keep it anymore, when it became a thing about you, things are diferent! i'm hurt, i donno why, but i am! i know i know, you didnt do anything but i donno, i hav the feeling of LEFT OUT thingi u know, it gives me the feeling to cry...
life was so great when i met you... you turned out to be my crying shoulder, the greatest fan of my life.... you used to be there when ever i faced a difficulty, you would never wanna see me in stressed mood.. you would never let me feel bad on anything... you would want me to stay besides you to listen to you, and expects me to come up with good ideas,,, we would have tons of chatting.. wow, can u think of how hilarious we used to be?
did you know, if i havent met you i wouldnt have been able to stop my self doing the damn shitty thing i was doing... and i am so greatful for you.. i really wanna thank you for being the greatest person in my life.. but i guess our time came up.. the world is a cruel thing, now i believe it... it would just show us elutions and leave us in to the dessert of reality and never let us face the truth! unless we realise it on our own...
i had this fear long long before... but was trying to make it up.. was trying to take a pace... was trying to let the fate decide whats gonna happen next.. guess its already seen now.. you used to tell me, how kewl we used to be.. i wonder what happened now,,, we used to share everysingle thing we had in our minds.. why cant we do it now?

maybe i am the one to be blamed... maybe i am expecting too much from the CLOSEST ones.. i've had friends in my life,, some so nice and the others so weird... amongst them, you were the bestest of all... and u knew it very well.. but why do i feel that i m so SO SOO LEFTOUT... u seems like you don wanna share a thing with me.. i feel like you're done with me... i feel hasitant to have a conversation with you... but WHY? this souldnt be happening dear! we used to shout out anything at our faces!! we were so kewl with that...

i wish i cud talk this at your face... but i just wouldnt do that.. cause you the only one who took care of my biggest problem in this WORLD... in my LIFE... and i really am thankful to u for that... but still, its just so unfair for u being so distanced... i wish i cud ever understand what happened, or whats going on...

i am so sorry i had to reach you this way, cause i cant keep it all inside my heart... it hurts.. and the feeling, i don wanna show u or anyone else.. do u know?? people are making up stories about our friendship.. it hurts a lot! i dunn wanna hear them say we look so DISTANCED.
wish i cud get an answer to my feelings..
yours truely friend
pempi